Kids Changed My Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day Schedule: Post-kids

7:00 AM:

Woke up to my head being used as a Hot Wheels track.

7:05 AM:

Turned over to wish my wife a Happy Valentine’s Day. She replied back, “today is Valentine’s Day?”

7:10 AM:

“Mom, I want pee-pee.”

7:11 AM:

“Wife, I want to pee-pee, too.”

7:15 AM:

“Mom, I want breakfast.”

7:20 AM:

Coffee brewing.

7:30 AM – 10:00 AM:

Kid morning things: eating breakfast, running after them to brush their teeth, getting them dressed, reading a story, yelling about them not eating their breakfast, wanting snacks.

10:00 AM:

Attempting to leave somewhere as a family to realize that the plan doesn’t make sense since one kid is dropping his nap, while the other needs a nap to survive. So instead we decide to split the day’s activities into two separate agendas, basically transforming into a single parent and therefore, not needing to even think about Valentine’s Day.

12:30 PM (Wife; 3.5-year-old child):

No nap. Resumes entertaining the kid to the point where exhaustion is inevitable and he may just go to bed at 6:30 PM. Also, takes one for the team to ensure that the 13-month-old has the ability to take a proper nap.

12:30 PM (Me, 13-month-old child):

Naps for two hours. Finally, have a moment to drink my first sip of coffee. Decided to handle the laundry list of house chores, which in fact includes laundry, so my wife doesn’t have to tackle this later on. Applauding myself for being quite the gift-giver.

3:00 PM – 5:30 PM:

Everyone is back home together. I refer to this period as the blackout portion of the day.

5:30 PM:

Older child tantrum breaks out over dinner due to lack of nap.

6:15 PM:

Valentine’s Day as a parent means taking a bath with your kids rather than your spouse.

6:30 PM-8:00 PM:

Bedtime routine: very similar to the morning routine, except harder and requires singing.

10:00 PM:

Wake up from knocking out in my son’s bed to witnessing my wife downing a box of chocolates, glued to the TV watching a guy named Simon on a show named Bridgerton.

12:00 AM:

My wife wakes me up from the couch to come to bed.